Ultimatums

I hate them. No two ways about it. Not the business kind, "If you don't fix my car, I'm going to sue." Or whatever. But the relationship ending kind. Do this or leave type. That means something has gone seriously wrong. I feel like you should just be able to tell the other person what you need and you should be important enough that they hear you, understand and take action without it getting to the point were you have to threaten the relationship itself for them to either hear you, understand, or take action. I've now given three ultimatums to three different loves in my life. Each time a heart wrenching decision that I don't take lightly because I know what it means.

Ultimatum #1
My first husband and I married right out of college. We had been together for three years. In the two years after we were married he had 4 jobs and was unemployed for 18 months. He was also a momma's boy who didn't know how to cook, clean, do laundry, change a tire or oil on a car. I worked full time and I did everything. So what was he doing - he played computer games and was online a lot. He was also brilliant. He always claimed he would be a millionaire one day, I believed him too. But he needed inspiration and I wasn't it. I told him to go stay with his brother for 6 months and figure his shit out. Not to contact me until the 6 months was over. I cheated on him during those 6 months and he found out. He still wanted to come back but he still wasn't working and I was enjoying my new found freedom. We decided to get divorced. Last I heard he was a millionaire.

Ultimatum #2
My hubby and I have been married for about 5 years at this point, and exploring polyamory for about two years. When we started opening our relationship it was because I wanted to explore my bisexuality and most het-males are pretty excited when their female half's want to bring home another girl. We were even pretty successful finding a unicorn or two. One woman we dated for over six months until her drinking problem became our drinking problem. The problem started because I kept falling for men too and that was outside our rules. I couldn't understand how it was supposed to be fair for him to fall for whoever he wanted since he was straight but I had to limit myself to only women because I was bi. Our relationship seriously flailed for a while and I told him to come with me to counceling or we're never going to figure this out. Hubby is very anti-therapy, so this was no easy step but he went. He also discovered that the therapist I selected was not the Freudian psychiatrist of his childhood and this guy was actually there to help us. Now we have a better understanding of each others needs and desires and communicate better than ever in our relationship and we are stronger than ever.

Ultimatum #3
My Sir moved in with my hubby and I rather quickly. It was a whirlwind romance as some of the best ones are. Also at the time hubby hadn't been working for sometime and while we could pay the bills with my income having the extra money was also nice. Then Sir got hubby a job where he worked and we were living the hog. So why stay in tiny place. We found an awesome house with room for all of us and a dungeon for Sir and I to play in. It was incredible for a few months. But then Sir got fired...was hubby working maybe a little harder, was it a bad situation? Is it awesome that they're still friends and able to move on... hell yeah. But that was in August. Sir wanted to try something new and he gets migraines like I do that can last for days and be debilitating. I've been understanding and I want to help him and support him. I also agreed to do a portion of his chores as service as his submissive. But since he's been out of work I've taken on a larger portion of his chores instead of less. As his submissive this has been an especially difficult situation for me. Once again we can pay the bills but the fun money is mostly gone. The longer this goes on it also adds stress to my hubby and I's relationship. Ive brought this up with Sir a number of times and there's always issues, but that's life, there's always going to be issues. Three days ago, I told him he has 2 months to be contributing to the household again. Talk about topping from the bottom. Not sure how to recover or what will happen in two months.

Craving

Insatiable craving, burning desire, constant hunger, untamed lust.... I cant get it off my mind. It being sex, but not just any sex, dirty hours upon hours of every hole being filled and pounded and stretched until I beg for it to stop and then more. Namesless, NSA cocks using me over and over. I've wanted to be the center in a gangbang for a long time, some of my first masturbation fantasies involved multiple men. I love gangbang porn and erotica with Dp and dv, the rougher the better.

In real life these things are not so simple. I've been thinking of organizing my research and experience into something to help people looking for 3somes, group sex, orgies, or gangbangs.

How to Scare the 'Normals'

The craziest thing happened to me today. My Sir is out of town so he asked me to be a good slut and to find a nice stud or two to come over and use me. I responded to an ad looking for a Dp girl to get crazy. I emailed that I was an insatiable slut, have a dungeon and toys to use and that I wanted to take pictures to send to my Sir of evidence of just how slutty I was behaving. I set up a series of safe calls with my Sir and showered and put on a fucking hot outfit and waited for the two studs to show up.

A knock, right on time. I open the door and there's only one guy, but the 2nd is on his way. So, we start making out... yes, I really am a horny slut, yes, I have amazing tits, yes I cant wait to suck your cock. I suggest going down to the basement and I'll show him where everything's at until #2 arrives. We head down the stairs and I flip on the light switch to the dungeon.

I could literally see the color drain from his face as he glanced in the room. I'm not sure if it was the floggers or the handcuffs maybe...lol. in either case he turned and booked it back up the stairs... do not pass go, do not collect $200, lol. He didn't look at me again, the only thing he said was, "I think my friend's here." Then he walked out, got in his car and speed off, lol.

Not sure what he was expecting but I sure must have freaked him out, lol. Ah... vanilla... lmao... that was some funny shit, almost makes up for not getting my brains fucked out like was hoping for.

Training

When I first met my Sir I started researching and learning more about what it means to be a submissive. I always knew I was a little kinky and different but Sir really started to bring out those desires and passions that I have kept hidden and secret for so long. It was extremely difficult for me to even express my wants and needs. Nevermind confessing fantasies of rape and gangbangs, I could barely say the words anal sex or butt plug without blushing.

When he told me that I would be starting first with training and only a working/training collar, I didn't understand. What was there to train for? Not like I was running a marathon. I was waiting simply for instruction and action. Being the stubborn girl that I am, I was sure there was nothing he could dish out that I couldn't take. Wow, was I wrong.

I have learned so much, while being in training that I wouldn't trade it in for any pretty fancy collar that doesn't mean anything. I've learned how to suck my Master's cock and swallow it all the way to the balls. I've learned how to relax my anal muscles and allow penetration by a butt plug or a cock and enjoy it. Ten months ago I couldn't, I wouldn't, no way would I have considered it.

I've also learned to please my Master and serve him in ways to make his life better and make him happier. I know to come to him and give him a hug and kiss upon entering so he can transition from work to home. I've learned how he likes his boots removed and cleaned, how to fold his laundry and what he likes to eat. Sure, these are things that you may learn about a partner in a non-power exchange based relationship as well but here's the real kicker for me. I've learned how to focus and take comfort, even pleasure, in performing these tasks for my Master.

I am his.

My Story of O

Most people in kink or BDSM have heard of the Story of O, a book published in 1954 about female submission and later was made into a movie. Instead of re-writing the story here, if you haven't heard of it, there's some interesting history and the book and movie are both fascinating.

For now, I have my own short story of O to tell. For my kindergarten graduation each child was given a letter of the alphabet and word starting with that letter. We each wore a t-shirt with our letter painted boldly on the front and back. When our turn came we stood proudly in front of our parents and sounded out our letter and word, pronounced graduated from kindergarten.

It was finally my turn, "O, for ah, ah, obstinate!"

I think my parents would agree that the letter/word combination was well fitting back then. After relating the story to my Sir the other night, he assured me that I could still wear the letter/word with pride.

Things I Have Broken With My Pussy

What's a slut to do with a horny pussy? Abuse it with as many things as she can find!

1. Ken doll - when I was starting to experiment, I liked to pretend that Ken would give me oral sex. One day I got a little carried away, and Ken "lost" his head! I wonder what a Mother thinks when a 12 year old needs help on a "search and rescue" mission, hmmm?

2. Too many vibrators to list - the most expensive was a fancy japenese dolphin style one from Evolve. Don't get me wrong, Evolve makes nice stuff, it just didn't last more than a month against the rigors of my pussy. I'll take my sex toys in industrial strength please?

3. People - I've never had to take anyone to the ER... yet. But a couple of cocks have been close and a girlfriend once sprained her pinkie finger while she was fisting me and I was cumming.

While we're on the subject of things in my pussy and making lists, how about a nice list of interesting things that have been in my pussy.

1. Beer bottle
2. Shampoo bottle
3. Water bottle
4. Hair brush
5. Cucumber
6. Ken doll... ahem...
7. Mannequin foot
8. Flute... yes, I was in the band
9. Screwdriver handle
10. Nunchucks

I read a story once where a woman's pussy was slowly stuffed with pencils, hmmm. I've thought about trying that. I've also wanted to fuck a bedpost but never seem to have the right bed, darn it. What about you? Anything you like to put in your pussy or someone you love's pussy? Something I should try in mine?

Jealousy

Jealousy is much discussed within the polyamory community. I have found there to be two general schools of thought when it comes to polyamory and jealousy. The first is that polyamorous people don't get jealous. I've met a few people like this but they seem to be few and far between and have normally spent a lot of time already understanding themselves and their nature.

The second most expressed opinion I've heard regarding polyamory and jealousy is that polyamorous people are better at working through and expressing their emotions and can therefore deal with jealousy better than the "average" monogamous person. I don't think being polyamorous means that a person is intrinsically better at communicating and dealing with feelings. They may get more practice at it however if they're actively maintaining multiple relationships and get better at it to sustain those relationships.

The Jealousy Excuse, Can We Please Get Real compares learning to share in kindergarten and with modern polyamory. While sharing your toy and your lover maybe a difficult comparison for some, why is it that the line is drawn at sex and love for so many? You can borrow my DVD, you can borrow my car, you can even sleep on my couch in hard times, but demonstrate love and affection for my spouse or partner and that's it, now you're crossed the line. I really enjoyed Paradoxical Polyamory, and it's worth the read.

I have certainly been faced with my own fears and insecurities multiple times over the years since discovering polyamory. I'm still faced with jealousy on occasion. I experience envy when my partner(s) are participating in an activity that I wish I could, whether that's with another person or not. My insecurities arise when I do not feel like a priority or important in my partner(s) life. I can be gripped with the fear of abandonment when life changes and stresses throw mine or partner(s) lives's into chaos. These are all things I've dealt with in monogamous relationships as well, normally by ignoring them until they go away. The difference for me is that I've found by communicating and working through these issues with my poly partner(s) the love and life experience I get in exchange far outweighs the temporary emotional distress.

I find myself going back to How to Fix a Broken Refrigerator and Poly and Jealousy when I'm in emotional distress and feeling that little tug of envy or fear creeping up.