tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64167621554314105512024-03-12T20:03:08.658-07:00miss understoodConfessions of a Submissive Slutmiss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-8127686513848354422012-06-18T09:26:00.003-07:002012-06-18T09:32:13.721-07:00My InboxExamples of what not to do when contacting me on any of my online profiles... and yes, these are all real first contacts.
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Example #1<br>"Hi-- I'm 32, and I've never been drunk in front of anyone. No one. I spent years being too afraid of myself to ever try. Two days ago, I tried, but alone. I'm considering trying again-- that is, this time find someone to talk to, and, get drunk admit things I've never admitted. Talk about things I've never talked about. I'm not gay, but I want, for first time, to come "out of the closet" to a total stranger about my sexuality, which I logically know is not immoral but I irrationally feel total shame over it. Would you hear my "confession", so I can perhaps heal some of my life-long wounds, or learn to be more accepting of psychological scars, rather than thinking of my scars as revolting to others? I'm not local, I'm not who you're probably looking for. But even if you can't deliever me to freedom from my own shame, perhaps you can deliver me to someome who brings me a step closer to the healing I need."
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Example #2<br>"Wow you are hot as hell. Is it bad that I want a girlfriend I can treat like a princess, and who will let me watch her with black dudes?"
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Example #3<br>"bisexual crossdressing male looking to open minded friends"
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Example #4<br>"I would love to suck your husbands cock while you watched!!"
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Example #5<br>"MWM, 59, 6'1 220 Alpha in xxxx 2 times in April--would love to see how compatible we may be"
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Example #6 <br>"thank you for adding me to your first list well if you would like to be friends with me and also to have chat with me, you can fine my web ids on my profile hope to chat with you very soon"
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Example #7<br>"Hello there. I would like to talk to you and get to know you. Maybe W/we could be a match. you seem to be looking for the same things I am. messege Me back"
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Examples #8, 9 and 10 (all from the same person in less than a week - with no response from me)<br>
"hi there, saw you on the xxx group, figured i would say hi. you seem to be like me in a few ways so i figured we could talk some."<br><br>
"Hello a few months back we had tried to start talking i am still very intreasted in you as a play partner. we seem to like alot of the same things. your profile picture prompts me to desire to give it a good spanking."<br><br>
"We tried to start a conversation a few months back but neither of us had time as i was going through my messages i noticed your profile pic...my god i want to get with you some time an give you a good spanking."miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-86616739584863960612012-06-12T11:10:00.000-07:002012-06-12T11:10:11.785-07:00Pushing Past the Physical - Humiliation<blockquote>The only way into truth is through ones own annihilation; through dwelling a long time in a state of extreme and total humiliation. - Simone Weil</blockquote>
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To lower pride, dignity, or self respect - to humiliate.
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How can a person want to be stripped of their pride, dignity and self respect? Just like a masochist searching for physical pain to stimulate adrenalin and endorphin release; stress, fear and emotional pain have been shown to activate the same areas of the brain and release the same hormones. Learning to process the mental is very similar to the physical.
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<a href="http://www.villagevoice.com/2006-02-28/columns/tomatoes-can-be-torture-part-1/">Tomatoes Can Be Torture Part 1, </a>
<a href="http://www.villagevoice.com/2006-02-14/columns/tomatoes-can-be-torture-part-2/">Part 2, </a>
<a href="http://www.villagevoice.com/2006-01-31/columns/tomatoes-can-be-torture-part-3/">Part 3.</a>
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While receiving physical pain my goal is to loose my physical being. To be so in the moment, so in the pain that there is no longer any pain. There's only the Sadist and the whip. When I hit that spot I sometimes feel like I'm watching from outside my body and I no longer exist physically. Then when the cuffs are released and Daddy catches my body I am released as well - from the stress at work, from the bills, from that argument, from that nightmare - and all is well.
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Humiliation is different in nuance with similar effect. I am a strong willed and independant woman. I am in charge of my house and job. Start to take all of that away and what is left? Call me names, make me do things I find distasteful and degrading... keep going and just like with pain, I'm no longer that strong willed and independent woman. I no longer exist and there's only the Sadist and his mind. Then Daddy hugs me and calls me his good girl and I'm released - it no longer matters if I screwd up at work, or was in a bad mood, or if money is tight.
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Being humiliated in a bdsm scene does not make me less of woman. It does not mean I enjoy random insults hurled from the street - just as with enjoying a beating doesn't mean I like being hit with a shopping cart by strangers in the store. The intent is different, the expectation is different. It may not be everyones cup of tea, sometimes it tastes a little bitter, but the mystery at the bottom of the cup calls my name.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-16416619604078771682012-06-05T10:12:00.000-07:002012-06-05T10:12:31.250-07:00I'm a Brat... So What?In the course of my relationship with Sir I have come to the conclusion that I am not a 'good' submissive. I say no a lot. I pout and sometimes throw a temper tantrum even. I'm not super service oriented and have a hard time when things aren't 'fair.' I've been struggling with feeling like this makes me less of a submissive and trying to understand how to be a 'better' submissive.
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After some recent discussions I realize it doesn't matter how my submission measures up to someone else's. It works for me and my Daddy. Yes, Sir is also Daddy now because when I'm feeling out of control and acting out, Daddy understands and can comfort his lil girl instead of Sir looking for obedience. Sometimes we switch back and forth depending on where I'm at and what I'm needing.
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So, I'm a brat and a Smart Assed Masochist (SAM). A lot of dominants may not like playing with me because they will see me as 'topping from the bottom.' But it's just me. I can't just surrender control without a struggle be it mental or physical. I want my dominant to TAKE control. Otherwise I will find and push buttons and test limits.
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I maybe a handful and a challenge for a dominant but I am still submissive. And for those that can handle a brat and put her in her place... I'm a lot of fun.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-18562328433146324722012-05-29T08:35:00.000-07:002012-05-29T08:35:13.841-07:00Poly - Heirarchy, Rules and BoundariesEverybody does poly their own way. Every relationship has it's own set of rules and boundaries and structure. I hear and read a lot of poly folks discussing how bad rules are and that having a primary/secondary heirarchy is asking for trouble. While I agree to some extent with most of what I see expressed by those like Franklin Veaux in theory, when it comes to the practical in my life, it doesn't always work out so.
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I don't define my relationships as primary or secondary. Each relationship has developed and matured at it's own pace and each is flexible and allowed growth and change when desired. Here comes the but... But my husband and I made a commitment to be life partners. My Daddy and I have a commitment to our power exchange relationship. This is the way things are. So a new relationship in my poly world is not defined or limited to being 'secondary' but these commitments to my current relationships are non-negotiable. To many this means an innate heirarchy but to me this means having an open mind and an open heart.
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I have similar thoughts about rules versus boundaries in my relationships. For example a boundary in many relationships is not to have unprotected sex with outside partners. How would this be different from a rule stating the same? Not much really - the outcome is probably the same, it's the intent that makes the difference. If it is a condom rule the intent is to attempt to control your partner into doing what you want. If it's a boundary - the intent is that it's something you have communicated is an important need or desire for you and your partner has agreed to respect that boundary. Rules insinsuate control while boundaries insinuate communication. Breaking a rule or crossing a boundary however both have consequences.
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Then there's the poly golden rule - veto, the end all, be all of heirarchy, rules and boundaries. Again this is a mixed bag for me. I don't believe in veto power. I don't want to tell my partners who they can or cant spend time with or fall in love with and I expect the same. At the same time, I don't want my partners in unhealthy relationships that are negatively impacting us and I do expect to speak up and communicate those issues with my partners. Based on our relationship and our commmitment to it I expect my partners to place a priority on my thoughts and feelings, especially when boundary violations are involved.
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Despite the fact that in theory I don't have a primary/secondary structure and that we have boundaries instead of rules... when it comes to the practical application the end result is often the same, especially when viewed from the outside. In the end how much does the intent matter? Is it really the thought that counts? Or is it all just semantics?miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-7149551314246434962012-05-18T09:16:00.000-07:002012-05-18T09:19:42.635-07:00Trust, Love and the EdgeI've been thinking a lot about how trust develops in D/s relationship and the effect of love on the relationship. When does a Master love his slave? Should he? How does that affect their power exchange? Can the submissive trust the dom enough to let go without falling in love?
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I have fantasies of being used and humiliated by multiple men. I often wonder about being whored out and forced to perform sex acts with strangers. I masturbate to stories of good girls turned into wanton sluts. And even darker dreams.
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I want to be the best slut for my Master. I want to fuck anyone he tells me to anywhere. I want him to push my limits of sex and pain. He's the only person I trust to take it to my edge and play there. But now that the trust is there is his love stopping him from being willing? Is the risk now too great for the Master due to loving the submissive? How do you trust someone enough to play on the edge and still be willing to take that risk that playing on edge with them means?
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My thoughts continue to wonder around these questions and roll them around in the back of my mind. For now we tiptoe around the edge and the fantasies remain fantasies.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-66195500380527405212012-03-28T09:39:00.000-07:002012-03-28T09:39:57.836-07:00Love 'em and Leave 'emI don't mean relationships. I am most definately poly and see no good reason to end a relationship to start another. But I have this other habit that I've been aware of for awhile when I discover a new activity I'm passionate about. I tend to throw myself into something, learning everything I can about it, submerging myself in the culture of it, obsessing over it. Then, it's not that I get bored of it but normally something happens, maybe drama, and I drop the activity for awhile. Slowly I'll remember what it was I loved about it and I'll figure outs way to work it into my life at a reasonable, balanced level. In the mean time I have moved onto the next passion/distraction/cycle. Some examples.
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I took up taekwondo. Within 3 years I had black belt in taekwondo, a purple belt in Japanese jujitsu. I had lost 80 lb and competed in my first full contact match. I spent 10 days in Korea studying the culture and history of taekwondo. I was teaching aerobic kickboxing and little tots classes. Then I got pregnant, had a miscarriage, had an affair with my sinsai, got a divorce and was exiled from the school. I haven't studied martial arts since but I have spent a lot of time coming to terms with the issues that were raised. Realizing I don't want kids, and that monogamy isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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Shortly after that I went on my first skydive. In the first month I had my license and a month later my own gear. I made about 300 jumps in my first year of skydiving. I was very unhappy in my job at the time so I took a leave of absence to go skydiving for a year. I lived in a trailer on a dropzone and packed parachutes for extra cash. I was remarried in the back of an airplane and kissed in freefall. The costs of skydiving are high and I don't always mean money. The person who bought my couch - dead, my neighbor with the beautiful flowers outside his trailer - dead, the guy with the hot Russian wife in front of me on the plane - parapelegic, the cool guy that welcomed us to the new dropzone - dead... and it goes on...they were all preventable... all dumb mistakes that you say will never happen to you. The one day when it's me...almost dead, I threw up. Everybody says you gotta get back on the horse/bike/skydive and I did. My wedding ring is engraved with, 'blue skies, black death'. Last year I made 1 jump. This year I have a goal to make 20-50 jumps.
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Next passion...knitting, yup, knitting. I've always been pretty creative and after evacuating for hurricane Katrina I had a lot free time on my hands. I picked up some cheap yarn and started crocheting which my grandmother had taught me when I was about 10 years old. Then I happened across one of those cute little yarn stores with the fancy yarn and was amazed but still stuck with my trusty crochet. Until one day I went into the cutest yarn shop and someone was knitting socks. I couldn't crochet socks like that. So I learned how to knit. Within a year I had designed and sold my first sock pattern. I had stash many knitting years beyond my life expectancy. I had been to knitting conventions and had physical therapy for 'knitters elbow'. Then I had some difficulties with one of my long time bulk pattern customers who wasn't pleased with some custom work I did. I took a break. I've gone back to knitting and even some designing but don't sale patterns anymore.
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I've been riding motorcycles for 5-6 years. At the peak I put almost 11k miles on my bike in one season. I did a 1000 mile ride in 24 hours. I was in a riding club and lead group rides and am confident in my riding. I rode in cold and rain and was miserable. Now I consider myself a fair weather rider. I don't have to ride for transportation, I do it for pleasure, so why not, do it when it's most pleasurable.
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I see a pattern and now there's bdsm. Do I just let it run its course? Being aware of the pattern do I try to limit the 'obession' stage? I also keep thinking that it's sex and there's so many kinks to explore how can I not be intrigued? And even though there's a pattern there's also a trigger type event in the examples and I'm not sure how to predict that in this scenario.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-11969858735699831212012-03-25T08:27:00.002-07:002012-03-25T08:32:22.535-07:00S & MI am Sadist.<br>
I am Masochist.
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I was sitting on the floor at my girlfriend's feet, having just a few moments before told her that I was feeling especially 'bottomy' and that she should take control of our switch dynamic for the evening if she felt so inclined. Suddenly both of her hands came down smacking on each of my inner thighs and her small bright hand prints immediately started to raise on my pale skin. I flushed and exclaimed, "wow!" <br>
"Not expecting that?," she giggled.<br>
I spread my legs like the exhibitionist I am and showed her the wet spot forming on my pink panties. Without any other touch, without a kiss or caress, or even a kind word my body had demonstrated it's deepest desires. I was rather pleased with the demonstration. <br><br>
I often see the phrase 'pain is pleasure.' It confused me for some time. Pain is not pleasure for me... pain hurts...that's kind of the whole point. Does something have to be pleasurable to be sexually gratifying and satisfying and fulfilling? I've found myself using the terms 'Good' pain to refer to pain that is sexually stimulating and 'bad' pain for all that other stuff like being sick or stubbing toes.<br><br>
I am currently fascinated with pain and exploring how and why we react the way we do it. The physical and emotional responses to pain run deep. Maybe I'm a pain slut or a sadiomasochist switch or is there a pain fetishtist? Not sure, but as of late I've had an overwhelming desire to hurt and be hurt...miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-2251644066428893702012-02-12T08:28:00.000-08:002012-02-13T10:16:52.569-08:00UltimatumsI hate them. No two ways about it. Not the business kind, "If you don't fix my car, I'm going to sue." Or whatever. But the relationship ending kind. Do this or leave type. That means something has gone seriously wrong. I feel like you should just be able to tell the other person what you need and you should be important enough that they hear you, understand and take action without it getting to the point were you have to threaten the relationship itself for them to either hear you, understand, or take action. I've now given three ultimatums to three different loves in my life. Each time a heart wrenching decision that I don't take lightly because I know what it means.
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Ultimatum #1<br />
My first husband and I married right out of college. We had been together for three years. In the two years after we were married he had 4 jobs and was unemployed for 18 months. He was also a momma's boy who didn't know how to cook, clean, do laundry, change a tire or oil on a car. I worked full time and I did everything. So what was he doing - he played computer games and was online a lot. He was also brilliant. He always claimed he would be a millionaire one day, I believed him too. But he needed inspiration and I wasn't it. I told him to go stay with his brother for 6 months and figure his shit out. Not to contact me until the 6 months was over. I cheated on him during those 6 months and he found out. He still wanted to come back but he still wasn't working and I was enjoying my new found freedom. We decided to get divorced. Last I heard he was a millionaire.
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Ultimatum #2<br />
My hubby and I have been married for about 5 years at this point, and exploring polyamory for about two years. When we started opening our relationship it was because I wanted to explore my bisexuality and most het-males are pretty excited when their female half's want to bring home another girl. We were even pretty successful finding a unicorn or two. One woman we dated for over six months until her drinking problem became our drinking problem. The problem started because I kept falling for men too and that was outside our rules. I couldn't understand how it was supposed to be fair for him to fall for whoever he wanted since he was straight but I had to limit myself to only women because I was bi. Our relationship seriously flailed for a while and I told him to come with me to counceling or we're never going to figure this out. Hubby is very anti-therapy, so this was no easy step but he went. He also discovered that the therapist I selected was not the Freudian psychiatrist of his childhood and this guy was actually there to help us. Now we have a better understanding of each others needs and desires and communicate better than ever in our relationship and we are stronger than ever.
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Ultimatum #3<br />
My Sir moved in with my hubby and I rather quickly. It was a whirlwind romance as some of the best ones are. Also at the time hubby hadn't been working for sometime and while we could pay the bills with my income having the extra money was also nice. Then Sir got hubby a job where he worked and we were living the hog. So why stay in tiny place. We found an awesome house with room for all of us and a dungeon for Sir and I to play in. It was incredible for a few months. But then Sir got fired...was hubby working maybe a little harder, was it a bad situation? Is it awesome that they're still friends and able to move on... hell yeah. But that was in August. Sir wanted to try something new and he gets migraines like I do that can last for days and be debilitating. I've been understanding and I want to help him and support him. I also agreed to do a portion of his chores as service as his submissive. But since he's been out of work I've taken on a larger portion of his chores instead of less. As his submissive this has been an especially difficult situation for me. Once again we can pay the bills but the fun money is mostly gone. The longer this goes on it also adds stress to my hubby and I's relationship. Ive brought this up with Sir a number of times and there's always issues, but that's life, there's always going to be issues. Three days ago, I told him he has 2 months to be contributing to the household again. Talk about topping from the bottom. Not sure how to recover or what will happen in two months.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-50829136923355851452012-02-06T14:40:00.000-08:002012-02-06T14:40:58.855-08:00CravingInsatiable craving, burning desire, constant hunger, untamed lust.... I cant get it off my mind. It being sex, but not just any sex, dirty hours upon hours of every hole being filled and pounded and stretched until I beg for it to stop and then more. Namesless, NSA cocks using me over and over. I've wanted to be the center in a gangbang for a long time, some of my first masturbation fantasies involved multiple men. I love gangbang porn and erotica with Dp and dv, the rougher the better.
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In real life these things are not so simple. I've been thinking of organizing my research and experience into something to help people looking for 3somes, group sex, orgies, or gangbangs.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-60131129906141439382011-12-23T12:35:00.000-08:002011-12-23T12:38:02.896-08:00How to Scare the 'Normals'The craziest thing happened to me today. My Sir is out of town so he asked me to be a good slut and to find a nice stud or two to come over and use me. I responded to an ad looking for a Dp girl to get crazy. I emailed that I was an insatiable slut, have a dungeon and toys to use and that I wanted to take pictures to send to my Sir of evidence of just how slutty I was behaving. I set up a series of safe calls with my Sir and showered and put on a fucking hot outfit and waited for the two studs to show up.
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A knock, right on time. I open the door and there's only one guy, but the 2nd is on his way. So, we start making out... yes, I really am a horny slut, yes, I have amazing tits, yes I cant wait to suck your cock. I suggest going down to the basement and I'll show him where everything's at until #2 arrives. We head down the stairs and I flip on the light switch to the dungeon.
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I could literally see the color drain from his face as he glanced in the room. I'm not sure if it was the floggers or the handcuffs maybe...lol. in either case he turned and booked it back up the stairs... do not pass go, do not collect $200, lol. He didn't look at me again, the only thing he said was, "I think my friend's here." Then he walked out, got in his car and speed off, lol.
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Not sure what he was expecting but I sure must have freaked him out, lol. Ah... vanilla... lmao... that was some funny shit, almost makes up for not getting my brains fucked out like was hoping for.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-60471761478594943592011-08-25T17:17:00.000-07:002011-08-25T17:17:04.701-07:00TrainingWhen I first met my Sir I started researching and learning more about what it means to be a submissive. I always knew I was a little kinky and different but Sir really started to bring out those desires and passions that I have kept hidden and secret for so long. It was extremely difficult for me to even express my wants and needs. Nevermind confessing fantasies of rape and gangbangs, I could barely say the words anal sex or butt plug without blushing.<br />
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When he told me that I would be starting first with training and only a working/training collar, I didn't understand. What was there to train for? Not like I was running a marathon. I was waiting simply for instruction and action. Being the stubborn girl that I am, I was sure there was nothing he could dish out that I couldn't take. Wow, was I wrong.<br />
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I have learned so much, while being in training that I wouldn't trade it in for any pretty fancy collar that doesn't mean anything. I've learned how to suck my Master's cock and swallow it all the way to the balls. I've learned how to relax my anal muscles and allow penetration by a butt plug or a cock and enjoy it. Ten months ago I couldn't, I wouldn't, no way would I have considered it.<br />
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I've also learned to please my Master and serve him in ways to make his life better and make him happier. I know to come to him and give him a hug and kiss upon entering so he can transition from work to home. I've learned how he likes his boots removed and cleaned, how to fold his laundry and what he likes to eat. Sure, these are things that you may learn about a partner in a non-power exchange based relationship as well but here's the real kicker for me. I've learned how to focus and take comfort, even pleasure, in performing these tasks for my Master.<br />
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I am his.<br />
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miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-27770136940703043812011-08-25T10:38:00.000-07:002011-08-25T10:38:07.714-07:00My Story of OMost people in kink or BDSM have heard of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Story_of_O">Story of O</a>, a book published in 1954 about female submission and later was made into a movie. Instead of re-writing the story here, if you haven't heard of it, there's some interesting history and the book and movie are both fascinating.<br />
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For now, I have my own short story of O to tell. For my kindergarten graduation each child was given a letter of the alphabet and word starting with that letter. We each wore a t-shirt with our letter painted boldly on the front and back. When our turn came we stood proudly in front of our parents and sounded out our letter and word, pronounced graduated from kindergarten.<br />
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It was finally my turn, "O, for ah, ah, obstinate!"<br />
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I think my parents would agree that the letter/word combination was well fitting back then. After relating the story to my Sir the other night, he assured me that I could still wear the letter/word with pride.<br />
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miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-70614449477871327212011-08-18T10:21:00.000-07:002011-08-18T10:21:45.643-07:00Things I Have Broken With My PussyWhat's a slut to do with a horny pussy? Abuse it with as many things as she can find!<br />
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1. Ken doll - when I was starting to experiment, I liked to pretend that Ken would give me oral sex. One day I got a little carried away, and Ken "lost" his head! I wonder what a Mother thinks when a 12 year old needs help on a "search and rescue" mission, hmmm?<br />
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2. Too many vibrators to list - the most expensive was a fancy japenese dolphin style one from Evolve. Don't get me wrong, Evolve makes nice stuff, it just didn't last more than a month against the rigors of my pussy. I'll take my sex toys in industrial strength please?<br />
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3. People - I've never had to take anyone to the ER... yet. But a couple of cocks have been close and a girlfriend once sprained her pinkie finger while she was fisting me and I was cumming.<br />
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While we're on the subject of things in my pussy and making lists, how about a nice list of interesting things that have been in my pussy.<br />
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1. Beer bottle<br />
2. Shampoo bottle<br />
3. Water bottle<br />
4. Hair brush<br />
5. Cucumber<br />
6. Ken doll... ahem...<br />
7. Mannequin foot<br />
8. Flute... yes, I was in the band<br />
9. Screwdriver handle<br />
10. Nunchucks<br />
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I read a story once where a woman's pussy was slowly stuffed with pencils, hmmm. I've thought about trying that. I've also wanted to fuck a bedpost but never seem to have the right bed, darn it. What about you? Anything you like to put in your pussy or someone you love's pussy? Something I should try in mine?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jjTVt3P3v8k/Tk1DFU57j8I/AAAAAAAAACo/5cTXU4MeZcI/s1600/20060829_no2pencil_53354337_18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jjTVt3P3v8k/Tk1DFU57j8I/AAAAAAAAACo/5cTXU4MeZcI/s1600/20060829_no2pencil_53354337_18.jpg" /></a></div><br />
miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-30364258305572078982011-08-08T11:03:00.000-07:002011-08-08T11:03:24.651-07:00JealousyJealousy is much discussed within the polyamory community. I have found there to be two general schools of thought when it comes to polyamory and jealousy. The first is that polyamorous people don't get jealous. I've met a few people like this but they seem to be few and far between and have normally spent a lot of time already understanding themselves and their nature.<br />
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The second most expressed opinion I've heard regarding polyamory and jealousy is that polyamorous people are better at working through and expressing their emotions and can therefore deal with jealousy better than the "average" monogamous person. I don't think being polyamorous means that a person is intrinsically better at communicating and dealing with feelings. They may get more practice at it however if they're actively maintaining multiple relationships and get better at it to sustain those relationships.<br />
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<a href="http://www.lovemore.com/blog/?p=308">The Jealousy Excuse, Can We Please Get Real </a>compares learning to share in kindergarten and with modern polyamory. While sharing your toy and your lover maybe a difficult comparison for some, why is it that the line is drawn at sex and love for so many? You can borrow my DVD, you can borrow my car, you can even sleep on my couch in hard times, but demonstrate love and affection for my spouse or partner and that's it, now you're crossed the line. I really enjoyed <a href="http://www.realitysandwich.com/node/352">Paradoxical Polyamory</a>, and it's worth the read.<br />
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I have certainly been faced with my own fears and insecurities multiple times over the years since discovering polyamory. I'm still faced with jealousy on occasion. I experience envy when my partner(s) are participating in an activity that I wish I could, whether that's with another person or not. My insecurities arise when I do not feel like a priority or important in my partner(s) life. I can be gripped with the fear of abandonment when life changes and stresses throw mine or partner(s) lives's into chaos. These are all things I've dealt with in monogamous relationships as well, normally by ignoring them until they go away. The difference for me is that I've found by communicating and working through these issues with my poly partner(s) the love and life experience I get in exchange far outweighs the temporary emotional distress.<br />
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I find myself going back to <a href="http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html">How to Fix a Broken Refrigerator</a> and <a href="http://www.serolynne.com/poly_jealousy.htm">Poly and Jealousy</a> when I'm in emotional distress and feeling that little tug of envy or fear creeping up.<br />
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miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-41056298266700218372011-08-04T14:33:00.000-07:002011-08-04T14:33:49.294-07:00The Taking<div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">She was tired but it was Friday and she was pulling into the driveway. She couldn't wait to take off her shoes, mix herself a strong cocktail and maybe even smoke a bowl or two. She had the place to herself all weekend since the roommates were out of town and she was looking forward to lounging around half naked and working on some of her craft projects.</div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">She must have been distracted as she turned off the engine and got out of the car because she didn't notice the white van pull up to the end of the driveway. She was fumbling for her house key when she felt a set of strong hands from behind. Before she even realized what had happened there was duct tape over mouth, her hands were bound and she was tossed into the back of the van by two huge men. Two more guys were in the back of van and they took charge next, blindfolding her and binding her thrashing legs. </div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="background-color: black; clear: both; color: white; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n0qG3FDbbSI/TjsHNfa5CAI/AAAAAAAAACE/HLV7f9-HYb4/s1600/41608_168985356452116_7146929_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n0qG3FDbbSI/TjsHNfa5CAI/AAAAAAAAACE/HLV7f9-HYb4/s200/41608_168985356452116_7146929_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> </span><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">Her mind was racing with possibilities. Was this it? Was this what they had talked about? She had told her boyfriend about her secret fantasy to be kidnapped and used as a sex slave but didn't think he would ever really follow-up on it. She didn't recognize any of the men before they blindflolded her, what if this wasn't set-up for her benfit? Did any of the neighbors see? What would they do to her?</div><div> </div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">She found out soon enough. An unfamilar voice commanded her to sit still but she was too excited, too frightened, and the van took a sharp turn right then that sent her sliding across the floor. In moments she felt a hand grab her as she was slapped on her right cheek, 'I said sit still slut,' he barked. Feeling the sting on her face she sat as still as she could. Suddenly she was keenly aware of the cold metal being slipped into the waist band of her pants and the sound of cutting fabric. Mere seconds later, she shivered at her nakedness and wildly wondered what would happen next. But they didn't touch her or make any noise for what seemed like ages.</div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">Finally the van came to a stop. One of the men grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to the door of the van. Then she was falling onto gravel. Her ass and elbows took the brunt of the fall and she thought she felt blood seeping from her right elbow. She tried to cry out but was only muffled by the duct tape. She was becoming ever more freightened. Her boyfriend wouldn't do this to her would he? He wouldn't let these men get away with treating her like this. When he saw her blood and bruises he would surely put a stop to this. She attempted to focus on her other senses and figure out where she was and if her boyfriend was here afterall.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="background-color: black; clear: both; color: white; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3X7EYjVNIjk/TjsK-o3OCfI/AAAAAAAAACI/6PGbQyp4YWI/s1600/bdsm_by_ajskrim-d33wyei.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3X7EYjVNIjk/TjsK-o3OCfI/AAAAAAAAACI/6PGbQyp4YWI/s320/bdsm_by_ajskrim-d33wyei.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"></span></div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> </span></div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">One of the men spoke up, 'You can forget about searching for your boyfriend. He sold you to us,' he leered and her heart sank, tears starting to stream down her face, no longer fighting to hold them back. 'We're 5 miles from the nearest neighbor so you can yell and scream all you want but that body is our's. Now, if you're a good little slut like your boyfriend says you are, we might let you go at the end of the weekend.'</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">With that he strode over to her and ripped the duct tape off her mouth. Balling it up and throwing it over her shoulder he then went to work on his belt buckle. 'Get on your knees slut,' the tallest of the men demanded but she started to violently shake her head back and forth. This earned her another hard slap across the face from the man freeing his dick from his pants while tall guy and the man opposite him shoved her to her knees in front of the waiting cock. Her jaw fell open from the shock and he wasted no time shoving his cock in her mouth as he started to force it down her throat. 'That's a good slut, take my cock in your filthy mouth, that's it, all of it,' he crooned sickeningly sweet as his hand grabbed a handful of hair at the back of her head and continued to push her mouth onto his cock.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div id="yui_3_2_0_5_1312210788774233" style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div id="yui_3_2_0_5_1312210788774233" style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;">Just as she was about to resign herself to her fate at the hands of these four animals, the door to the cabin opened and her boyfriend walked in with a silly grin all over his face. She tried to stand up and rush over to him thinking that he was here to rescue her but then she saw the riding crop in his hand and stopped halfway, still in a kneeling position. Her boyfriend's grin quickly flashed to sterness, 'Did I tell you to quit sucking Victor's cock? Get back on your knees slut,' was quickly followed by multiple raps on her ass with the crop. She let out a yelp and her eyes went wide as saucers as she realized what he was saying. She turned back to sucking on the cock in front of her, letting her mind wander and her body surrender. She smiled, she had no idea what was in store for her over the weekend but she knew not to fight it any longer.</div><div id="yui_3_2_0_5_1312210788774233" style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div>miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-68124532387944163592011-08-01T10:55:00.000-07:002011-08-01T10:55:47.096-07:00Expectations<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">"Expectation is the root of all heartache." </span><span style="color: #ffe599;">- </span><i style="color: #ffe599;">William Shakespeare</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i> </i><span style="color: #ea9999;">"Life is largely a matter of expectation."</span><span style="color: #ffe599;"> - </span><i style="color: #ffe599;">Horace</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">"Life is so contructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation"</span> <span style="color: #ffe599;">- </span><i style="color: #ffe599;">Charlotte Bronte</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">"We never live; we are always in the expectation of living."</span><span style="color: #ffe599;"> - </span><i style="color: #ffe599;">Voltaire</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q0FfqZVv2Uc/TjbbYDQuMyI/AAAAAAAAABw/nNgjW68Y1-g/s1600/vHsok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q0FfqZVv2Uc/TjbbYDQuMyI/AAAAAAAAABw/nNgjW68Y1-g/s320/vHsok.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Expectation - The act or state of looking forward or anticipating. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">All relationships have expectations. Most relationships are looking forward and anticipating the future, together, but when partners have different expectations it can be like they're looking forward in different directions, and if they start running in different directions it's going to hurt when either the rubber band snaps and pulls them back or breaks and sets them apart. In most relationships a misunderstanding of expectations can lead to disappointment, anger, frustration and then right to a break-down of communication. Add in polyamorous and BDSM relationships, the expectations of each partner and each relationship adds to the complexity. Thinking of the rubber band analogy, there can be multiple rubber bands being stretched with expectations from multiple partners, or rubber bands around more than just 2 people and balancing the expectations of everyone in the relationship.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Xa_BsbQGu9Q/Tjbm7NaMCjI/AAAAAAAAAB4/mkDpAlTxlUE/s1600/i-meet-or-exceed-expectations-t-shirt-shirtaday-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Xa_BsbQGu9Q/Tjbm7NaMCjI/AAAAAAAAAB4/mkDpAlTxlUE/s320/i-meet-or-exceed-expectations-t-shirt-shirtaday-2.jpg" style="background-color: black; color: black;" width="320" /></a></div> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1xPMEg4ERvY/Tjbn5vDcBMI/AAAAAAAAACA/PkiKjLWAMwM/s1600/th-i-meet-or-exceed-expectations.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">Is it the more expectations, the more chance for disappointment? What happens when expectations aren't being communicated clearly so the partner can't do what they don't know is expected of them? Is the expectation unrealistic, something unattainable, that the partner can't or won't do? Is an unrealized or unfulfilled expectation the same as a broken promise? </div>miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6416762155431410551.post-12371376304543796832011-07-15T10:03:00.000-07:002011-07-15T10:03:07.854-07:00On Being A Slut<a href="http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut">Slut</a> - A perjorative term applied to individuals considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and was an insult or offensive term of disparagment, meaning 'dirty or slovenly'.<br />
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This is how most people view sluts today. They hear that someone is a slut and most will jump to the conclusion that the person will indescriminately have sex with anyone. Not sure, check out this article - <a href="http://thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/real-talk-men-explain-what-makes-a-woman-a-slut/gallery-page/1/?">Men Talk About What Makes a Woman a Slut.</a><br />
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But I propose looking at the definition used in the book, 'The Ethical Slut' by Dossie Easton and Cathrine Liszt, 'a slut is a prson of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.'<br />
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I found this article to be an interesting perspective from a male POV<a href="http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/if-youd-sleep-with-her-you-cant-call-her-a-slut/"> If You'd Sleep With Her You Can't Call Her A Slut</a>. There are couple things I disagree with in his writing though. Mainly, he addresses the use of slut as shaming single women. My disagreement is the words single and women. One does not need to be either single or female bodied for slut to be used in a derogatory, shaming and victimizing way.<br />
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You could try using <a href="http://whowritesthisstuff.net/?p=410">The Slut Formula</a> to determine your 'sluttiness.'<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PkN_wMC-w04/TiBr0CuLgTI/AAAAAAAAABM/Ap1fuPflc6o/s1600/slut.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PkN_wMC-w04/TiBr0CuLgTI/AAAAAAAAABM/Ap1fuPflc6o/s320/slut.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I remember the very first time I was called a slut distinctly. I was in the 1st grade and it was on the bus on the way to school one morning. I was an outgoing brainy kid, already used to being singled out for my 'individuality.' A group of older kids, 5th and 6th graders, mostly boys but a girl a two on the fringes, approached me and asked if I was a slut. I had never heard the word before and didn't know what it meant or if I should want to be a slut or not. I attempted to just ignore them in hopes they bore of me and go away, but the teasing continued, demanding I tell them if I was a slut or not, still no clue what it meant. Finally I turned to the largest boy and shouted, "yes, yes, I'm a slut!" hoping that any answer I gave would just make them go away. Everyone burst out laughing as my face grew an ever brighter shade of red. The increase in noise finally got the bus drivers attention who shooed everyone back into their seats. But for the remainder of the year I heard whispers of slut around every corner. When I got home that night I asked my parents what it meant and that's when I first learned that slut was a 'bad' word.<br />
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So, why am I slut? I enjoy sex. I enjoy sex with multiple partners, sometimes even at the same time. I enjoy safe, responsible sex. I enjoy pleasing my partners. I enjoy masturbating and orgasms. Sometimes I enjoy dressing overtly sexual. I enjoy various types of sex with partners of various gender identity and sexual orientation. I enjoy kinky perverse sex. Am I a slut? Yes, most definately. Is being a slut a bad thing? No, not if you're doing it right.miss understoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10623085063889248988noreply@blogger.com1